Our last post on striving for harmony in our marriage seemed to have resonated with quite a few of you. Thanks for sharing your feedback and questions. A friend messaged Kinnari and asked if she was really doing those marriage meetings sparking a good dialogue about the logistics and benefits of the marriage meeting. And this week he was inspired to start one for his wife and himself! Yay!
“...A co-committed relationship may look like magic, but it really is composed of tiny moments of choice. Choosing to tell the truth. Noticing that you are projecting, and finding the courage to take responsibility. Choosing to feel rather than go numb. Choosing to communicate about a broken agreement. Choosing to support your partner as he or she goes through deep feelings.”
- Gay Hendricks and Kathlyn Hendricks, Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment
In this episode of Disco Chats (click on the Listen button above) we talk to one of our readers Millie, a clinical psychiatrist and mother to two young girls under the age of four. As a busy working mom married to a doctor, she shares some of her tips on maintaining balance in her relationship.
She discusses the need to establish a strong foundation in the early days of the relationship by learning each other’s communication styles and love languages, doing quick check-ins with each other when things are chaotic and leaning on her “village” to provide respite when both of them are drained. Listen in to hear stories of their first impromptu five mile hike with two toddlers and their secret recipe to recharging after a particularly taxing day.
In the book Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment, the authors describe a way of relating to our partners that is based on awareness, choice, and responsibility. It is about being able to love our partner deeply and fully, while also maintaining our own sense of self.
While there are many interesting tips in the book, one thing that stood out was this list of seven questions to start asking each other when running into conflict with your partner. The power of each question lies not in the answer but in the state of consciousness that it helps bring about within each person.
How do I feel?
What do I want?
How is the past coloring my present?
What am I getting out of staying stuck?
What do I need to say?
What agreements have I broken?
How can I be of service?
Conversations on marriage