Between The Pages: Wisdom in the Universe
Q: What book is on your bedside table right now?
Kinnari’s Dialogue
I’ve been skimming through Kevin Kelly’s “Excellent Advice for Living”. Kevin Kelly is a renowned technology thinker, author, and co-founder of Wired magazine, known for his “radical optimism” regarding AI and digital culture. In this book Kevin shares bits of wisdom that he has shared with his young adult children and friends over the years. He says “I’m primarily channeling the wisdom of the ages. I’m offering advice that I’ve heard from others, or timeliness knowledge repeated from the past, or a modern aphorism that matched my own experience. I think of these bits as seeds because each one of them can be expanded into a long essay… You are encouraged to expand these seeds as you read to fill your own situation.”
I found myself highlighting a lot of this book so I recommend picking it up when you have time. Here are a few of the ones that struck a chord with me this month -
“Listening well is a superpower. While listening to someone you love keep asking them “Is there more?” until there is no more.”
Everyone talks about the importance of listening. I consider myself a good listener - mostly because I am curious and ask a lot of questions. But this past week while on a family road trip, I interrupted my husband several times while he was asking me to look for a parking spot. In exasperation he said “will you *just* listen to me?”
I like the practical advice offered here - first listen. Then listen some more. Keep listening and asking for more until the person is done before saying what you want to say.
“Taking a break is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength.”
As someone that has been wanting a one-year break from my tech job while also being fearful of taking it, it was great to ponder over this one. So many of us are wired to be productive and to measure our worth by the quantity and quality of our “doing” that taking a break seems like we’re taking an easy way out when in fact it’s the opposite. Taking a break is actually a sign of strength because it says I love myself, I want to take care of my being. Or I love life and I want a pause to savor it. It’s also a belief in oneself to be able to find a footing after the break.
“Choose not to be outraged today.”
Ever so often there are moments when I get so annoyed, so irritated by something that pops up in my life outside of my control - a comment or a situation. The other day I was standing in the salad line for lunch and had to step away for a minute to grab a bowl. Rejoining the line, a newcomer to the line tried to call me out. I was about to get pissed off …how outrageous to assume that I would jump the line, that too in the workplace!
I remembered this quote just in time. Instead of getting upset I offered a smile and said “I was in line already and asked him to hold my spot”. The man I pointed to said an enthusiastic yes, ready to defend me. Choosing to not be outraged took less than a second but it changed the dynamic of the conversation and left my mental state a lot less agitated.
“Forgiveness is accepting the apology you will never get.”
This is such an interesting way to look at forgiveness. Accepting the apology that you so badly want or need, the one that you are likely not going to get - whether it’s from your partner, your child, your friend, your parent or a teacher from years past. So many times we hold on to the hurt that is caused to us until the offending party apologizes. But what if the apology never comes? Why hold on to something that is harmful to us? Kevin has another bit in the book on this - “When you forgive others they may not notice but you will heal. Forgiveness is not something we do for others; it is a gift to ourselves.”
“Keep showing up. 99% of success is just showing up. In fact, most success is just persistence.”
Where in my life do I continue to show up? Where do I feel like I have persisted? For me - it’s always been about love first and foremost. In the past ten+ years my attention has shifted from my partner to my children but the love for both my family and friends has expanded. And as I grow older I’ve thankfully, finally come to a place of love for self. So ya - I’d say that persistence pays off.
“Separate the processes of creating from improving. You can’t write and edit or sculpt and polish or make and analyze at the same time. If you do, the editor stops the creator. While you invent, don’t select. While you sketch, don’t inspect. While you write the first draft, don’t reflect. At the start, the creator mind must be unleashed from judgment.”
I try to remember this every time I sit down to write a post for Disco Dialogues. I aim to write from the heart, for myself before trying to edit for the words to resonate with others. Writing is a time for my feelings and thoughts to flow into words, for sharing my experiences and the wisdom I’ve gained from them. If I approach it from the lens of editing then I’m stifling the creation process.
And finally I loved this piece of advice about parenting - it aligns with the way my husband and I are currently raising our kids - time > money.
For the best results with your children spend only half the money you think you should but double the time with them.
Mitali’s Dialogue
In the same week that one leader of a country decided to threaten annihilating an entire civilization of a country, we also managed to launch a rocket into space to send humans the furthest they have ever been from Earth. As I watched the livestream of the Artemis II launch, I was struck by what humans are capable of doing once we set our goals on it while also being saddened by the fact that we still engage in futile wars that kill our fellow human beings.
Last week I chose to watch Project Hail Mary in the theaters and experienced another “feel-good” moment. The science fiction movie felt “E.T.-esque” - humanity banding together, dropping our differences and working to save the planet we all call home. After watching the movie and reading a Reddit post that claimed that the book was better than the movie, I decided to start reading the book.
“…It’s a simple idea, but also stupid. Thing is, when stupid ideas work, they become genius ideas.… I’m smart enough now to know I’m stupid. That’s progress.”
- Andy Weir, Project Hail Mary
I didn’t grow up reading science fiction even though novels by Arthur C. Clarke and Isaac Asimov were popular back then. But recently I have found myself drawn to science fiction novels. Maybe it was a search for optimistic scenarios of the future painted by authors who believed advances in technology would be good for humanity. Or I was seeking a balance against the doomsday articles published in the past year around the hysteria of AI.
“... Wow. I’m sitting here in a spaceship in the Tau Ceti system waiting for the intelligent aliens I just met to continue our conversation…and I’m bored. Human beings have a remarkable ability to accept the abnormal and make it normal.”
I found myself amused and riveted by Andy Weir’s storytelling in the book. He brings details and humor to the story that just can’t be conveyed in a two and half hour movie. I would highly recommend reading the book as it is truly juicier than the movie and has many laugh out loud moments. But if you don’t have the time to read the book then I still recommend watching the movie on a big screen, preferably on IMAX.
“…It gives me a feeling of control. I’m doing something by aggressively doing nothing. After an eternity the panic begins to ebb away. Human brains are amazing things. We can get used to just about anything…
The slight reduction of fear has a feedback effect. I know I will get less afraid now. And knowing that makes the fear subside even faster. Soon, the panic dies down to fear, which diffuses into general anxiousness.”
Our last post was about finding the courage to take action. The quote above is a nice way of explaining how sometimes focusing on doing a small action within your control (which can be as simple as clenching your teeth which Dr Grace did in a moment of panic) can bring panic and fear down to an acceptable level.
The following conversation between Dr Grace (the human scientist stuck in space) and his alien buddy Rocky from planet Erid about what makes them similar made me chuckle.
[G] “We’re as smart as evolution made us. So we’re the minimum intelligence needed to ensure we can dominate our planets.”
….
[R] “Another similarity: you and me both willing to die for our people. Why, question?? Evolution hate death.”
[G] “It’s good for the species. A self-sacrifice instinct makes the species as a whole more likely to continue.”
[R] “Not all Eridians willing to die for others.”
[G] I chuckle. “Not all humans either.”
[R] “You and me are good people.
[G] “Yeah.” I smile. “I suppose we are.”
Watching the Artemis II splashdown this week along with the messages from the astronauts while in space reminded me that we humans are actually good people…and brave too. Some of us choose to risk our lives for furthering the cause of humanity.
