Work, Social Life or Love?
Q: What are you prioritizing this week?
Disco Dialogues is a newsletter and interview series where Kinnari and Mitali engage in deliberate dialogue aimed to spark inner growth. Our posts start with a question to encourage reflection on topics ranging from creativity, courage and curiosity to self-care and relationships. The hope is that by sharing the dialogues that we have with ourselves and with each other, we can start meaningful conversations within our community.
Kinnari’s Dialogue
It was a Friday night after my husband and the girls had left for Tunisia. I was in an empty house and Mitali had come over to hang. As we chatted about our plans for Disco Dialogues, the topic of priorities came up.
Earlier that day, she had sent me this poem by Kenneth Koch. In it the poet talks about how between love, work and social life, one really only has the time to do two. I read it a few times. Is that really so? Is it not possible to have all three at the same time?
So on that Friday evening we resumed our conversation and discussed which two each of us has focused on this year. We took “love” to be a proxy for marriage, kids and even self-love. I shared my priorities for the rest of the year. Going into the conversation I had a pretty good idea of what those were. Mitali then asked - “What about this week? What are your priorities for this week?”
I had been planning to capitalize on my alone time given that my kids were away on holiday with my husband. So I rattled off a response which included everything on my list -
Health - I wanted to do 4 workouts + get 8 hours of sleep. Journaling + meditation.
“Work” work - Coming back from maternity leave, it had taken a couple of months to pick up momentum and build relationships with new teams. Now was the time to really pick up speed before the end of the year.
Creative work - Publishing a Disco post. Maintaining a regular cadence of posts is a commitment and takes time and effort.
Social - 1:1 time connecting with a few friends.
Even without kids this seemed like a lot. We had a healthy discussion on what was too much, and what does prioritizing these things mean. In my case, if my top priority that week was my health followed by work, followed by social connection - then I had to make sure that I didn’t let anything stand in the way of my workouts and sleep. It meant putting in extra time at work. I deprioritized having a “night out” in the city even though it was tempting to live it up opting instead to see a couple of friends 1:1 over the weekend.
Asking myself the question “what are my priorities for this week?” every Sunday heading into the work week has simplified my decision-making process when new invites/opportunities come up. When my kids got back from holiday, they were my #1 priority. This meant doing 3 workouts instead of 4. It meant cutting down on brainstorming sessions with Mitali for Disco Dialogues. With the little ones jet lagging badly, it certainly meant sleeping a lot less.
On the flip side, this week I’m traveling for a team offsite and haven’t picked “kids” as a priority (they are typically #1 or #2 on my priority list). It means not feeling guilty (or at least letting it go quickly when it arises) for not organizing play dates and skipping a couple of bedtime routines. It means asking my partner to prioritize time with the kids.
I tend to be overly optimistic about time and have a habit of cramming too many things into my week. But asking myself this clarifying question every week (vs high level priorities in life) helps put things in perspective. Like most things it is a practice that I need to repeat every week. It helps to have someone else (in my case Mitali) ask me every Monday morning what my priorities are. It’s been a forcing function to take a few minutes and think it through on Sunday night.
Mitali’s Dialogue
Last month we wrote about easing back into our rhythm of writing and posting regularly to Disco Dialogues. In order to get back into the flow of writing again, I have been focused on “filling my bucket” with things that fulfill me physically, mentally and emotionally. I know the habits that help me so over the past month I have been practicing being consistent and prioritizing time for them.
Through trial and error over the years, I have landed up with a list of habits that tend to fall into the following categories -
Body - Taking care of my body through physical movement and healthy nourishment is key. I track my workouts (walks, yoga) through the week as they are critical to my mental well being. I have a tendency to stop doing them when I am feeling energized so putting the habit on my tracker reminds me of the importance of doing it. Sleep and nutrition are two others that fall into this category but I don't track them as habits as I am already pretty diligent about them.
Mind - My mind can often lead me astray so practices like meditation, journaling and therapy are helpful in noticing when my mind is not calm. I set a goal for how many times a week I want to do these and tracking them ensures I make time in the week to do them. Another way I nourish my mind is by being selective about what I consume. I try to start two of my mornings with spiritual readings and recently started listening to podcasts and YouTube talks as a way to bolster my mind with informative and positive content.
Soul - I feel alive when I connect deeply with other humans or experience their creative talent. I have made it a priority to spend quality time with my loved ones and I track it as a practice. Connecting with my partner grounds me. Having family dinners together or doing a fun activity with my kids over the weekend brings me joy. Connecting with friends over coffee, walks or on the phone helps me feel less alone and part of a community. “Find More Fun” has been one of my mottos this year so I am always scouting for events where I can see performers practicing their craft live.
This is a long list of habits and it's not practical to try to do all of these every week or every day (as clear from my meditation habit). So when I asked Kin about her priorities for the week, I realized that I should probably also start to write my own down.
This is the practice that I put in place in September -
Choose my priorities for the week
Every Sunday evening, I take the time to consciously choose what is important to me in the coming week. I force myself to make difficult choices on what takes center stage for the week. For example, one week I prioritized doing a cleanse related to my gut health and blocked time on my calendar to do the cooking required for the cleanse. It became much easier then to say no to things when the trade-offs were clear (choosing to eat healthy vs making plans to meet friends for dinner).
Write things down and add to calendar
I start by writing my priorities in my journal and then sharing them over text with Kin to hold myself accountable. Every night I look at my calendar for the next day and assign time for each habit so that I can’t make excuses for not doing a habit because I am busy or lazy. I also refer back to my priorities when something new comes up during the week to see if it is aligned with my intentions for the week.
I was surprised at how much better I became at doing my habits during September. Accomplishing what I said I wanted to do each week created a sense of pride. There was a lot less guilt and decision fatigue when I used a framework to make choices. Writing my priorities down, putting tasks on the calendar and pausing before committing to new activities have become some of my golden practices. By sharing it here, I hope to keep this process going for the next few months, especially as I try to stay grounded as we head into the holiday months.
Take this post as a nudge to think about your own priorities for the week. How you can make sure you are aligning your precious time to things that matter to you? If you have any best practices or tips for creating consistency and flow in your life, we would love to have you share them!