The myth of a perfect start
Q: As you begin this year, where can you offer yourself more grace?
Mitali’s Dialogue
January is a month of rest and recovery for me. Over the past few years, my practices to tune into my body have helped me also notice the dip in my energy when January rolls around. Like many animals in winter, my body wants to retreat and hibernate once the winter vacations are over. I spend October and November building up my energy reserves for the holidays and family trips in December and then crash in January.
“Everybody winters at one time or another; some winter over and over again. Wintering is a fallow period in life when you’re cut off from the world, feeling rejected, sidelined, blocked from progress, or cast in the role of an outsider…However it arrives, wintering is usually involuntary, lonely and deeply painful.”
- Katherine May, Wintering - The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times [Book]
So this year after a busy two week international trip over the holidays, I found myself once again in a deep lull in January. The kids returned to school in the first week, my calendar lightened up and I felt no desire to fill up my days with activities. Instead of setting new year goals or jump starting new habits for 2026, I listened to the signals from my body. It might be a deeply unfashionable way to start the year but I am choosing to expand on my spare time and catch up on rest.
It has been a journey to accept these seasonal rhythms of my body. For the past few years, I have started the new year with some dread. Will this January be different? Did I build up enough energy reserves in the fall to avoid a crash? Initially when I start to notice my body shutting down, there is a lot of resistance. Then the self judgement rolls in. Noticing the harsh words playing on repeat in my mind, I remind myself that these are just my old patterns of thinking. If I can’t think kind thoughts, can I circumvent my mind through kind actions towards my body?
For the past three weeks, I have been hunkering down at home, focused on rebuilding my energy reserves. It ends up looking like I am withdrawing from the world but I do it to maximize my scarce resources. Here are some simple ways I have been taking care of myself -
Nourish my body - To boost my energy, I take myself to the sauna and for cold dips, do walks to get sunlight and eat nutritious meals. Hydration and sleep become a priority.
Find warmth - I plop myself down in front of my fireplace for ten minutes, or catch the afternoon sun on my couch. I ask for hugs from my loved ones or catch up with a friend over a cup of tea.
Cut out the external noise - Being around groups of people feels chaotic so I say no to social engagements. I spend less time on my phone communicating or checking email or reading the news.
Quiet the internal chatter - A simple breathing exercise (inhale for 4 counts, hold for 5 and exhale for 6) helps calm me down when the anxious thoughts show up. When all else fails, I listen to audiobooks to drown out my thoughts.
Each year that this cycle repeats itself, I remind myself - This is who I am in this decade of my life. I am someone who needs to be constantly mindful of my energy levels. Someone who needs to withdraw for certain periods to recharge and find my balance again. This wasn’t me in my twenties and thirties but this is where I am today.
“Wintering is the active acceptance of sadness. It is the practice of allowing ourselves to feel it as a need. It is the courage to stare down the worst parts of our experience and to commit to healing them the best we can. Wintering is a moment of intuition, our true needs felt keenly as a knife.”
- Katherine May
Kinnari’s Dialogue
The end of January is already upon us. The past couple months have moved at a very fast pace. I spent the entire month of December in India - burning the candle at both ends - between working US hours, taking care of my toddler, making time for my mom and seeing friends and family, it was quite full on.
The Ritual vs. The Reality
I have a ritual of starting the year with a solo retreat. My plan for January was to take a few days off—no work, no parenting, no housekeeping—to envision the year ahead. I wanted that expansive, quiet space to think about the big picture before setting specific goals.
However, after coming back from India in early January, I had barely gotten the kids past their jet lag, before I headed right into a work trip to New York for a product launch. I returned home feeling pretty run down and craving down time only to go into several days of solo parenting while my husband was away for work. The following week was our first born’s birthday and as someone that leans into birthdays wholeheartedly we went into a week-long celebration of her turning seven. Throwing together multiple parties at our house at the last-minute took up a lot of my energy and time. It wasn’t picture perfect but it was perfect for my daughter. It gave me an immense amount of joy seeing her light up and feel happy, loved and celebrated.
Between the work trip, the solo parenting, the birthday parties, and the struggle to just regain a daily rhythm, the solo retreat didn’t happen. However, on the five+ hour long flight to New York, I had already squeezed in some time to write about my insights from a month in India and also some high level goals for 2026.
It reminded me of this wisdom from James Clear:
“Work is endless. Exercise is endless. Parenting is endless. Same with marriage, writing, investing, creating, and more. You get to choose the parts of your life, but many of the important things in life cannot be ‘finished.’
Do not approach an endless game with a finite mindset. The objective is not to be done, but to settle into a daily lifestyle you can sustain and that allows you to make daily progress on the areas that matter.
Embrace the fact that life is continual and look for ways to enjoy the daily practice.”
Embracing the Daily Practice
I saw this clearly while I was in India. With the streets of Bandra dug up and clogged with traffic, I gave up trying to go for long walks and runs and switched it up. I found a local yoga studio and took a class every other day. It didn’t just save my sanity; it sparked a desire to go deeper into the practice this year—not as a goal to be attained, but as a lifestyle to be sustained.
All this to say: I’m no longer waiting for “expansive time.”
I realize I will not always have that luxury in this full season of my life. If I wait for the perfect, quiet week to reflect or to create, I will be waiting forever. Instead, I’m choosing to squeeze the meaningful things into the small pockets of time I can find.
Progress doesn’t always look like a retreat. Sometimes, it looks like a five-hour flight and a notepad.