Kinnari’s Dialogue
Last weekend my husband and I took a two day trip to Los Angeles to celebrate his birthday. We had been talking about doing a getaway without the kids since our anniversary last year and hadn't gotten around to it even when another anniversary popped up again this year. When a party in LA featuring our favorite Berlin DJs popped up on M’s feed, we knew this was it.
There are some nights - specifically dance nights - that are etched in my memory. There are so many factors that come together for a night to be special, scratch that - to be magical. Who you are with, the type of venue, the energy around you on the dance floor, how many hours you dance, conversations and most importantly the vibe the DJ creates and the journey the music takes you on. A lot of these special nights for me have been dancing alongside my husband to a German DJ and producer called Dixon. For me, Dixon is a master. His sets are unpredictable and diverse, his transitions are flawless and he’s unparalleled in controlling the energy of the room and establishing a vibe. I have now seen him over ten times - up close in clubs and from a distance on massive stages.
M introduced me to Dixon when we first started dating. It was 2014 at an underground club in San Francisco. I remember thinking - "Wow someone else is introducing me to great music for a change!" This was the start of Dixon showing up in our relationship at defining moments. The following summer I had a work trip planned to Amsterdam after meeting M’s parents (for the first time) in Tunisia when we discovered that Dixon was playing outside Amsterdam on M’s birthday. He ended up joining me as we saw Dixon and Ame another DJ and producer play a back to back nine hour set. That night we danced until sunrise and I felt an inexplicable connection to the crowd.
A year later with Dixon spinning at a boat party in San Francisco, during a break M said “I’ll marry you tomorrow if you want.” In 2017 right after our wedding in Greece we joined friends in Barcelona to catch Dixon and Ame play together again. It was mid summer and hot and muggy and everyone was sweating but that didn’t stop us from letting the music take over our minds as we moved our bodies on the floor.
The past couple years our relationship has been on the back burner as we got caught up in the chaos of caring for two young ones, a move and jobs. More recently, we had been living like house mates or two passing ships and I had started to wonder whether our connection was still there. This past weekend in LA, away from the busyness of parenting and amidst the music, the dancing, the lights and the few minutes of snatched conversations in between the songs and set changes, my mind let go of how things should be and I found that connection again. Dixon and Ame and Jimi Jules and Trikk (two other house music artists) mixed incredible tunes and made the crowd fall in love.
Dancing gets you out of your head. In dance, in movement, the joy of living sweeps through your entire being. Moving your body to music you love opens you up to a different dimension.
When time is no longer a construct,
when you give in,
when you let go,
when you embrace each other,
when you willingly let the music take you,
when you let your energy shine through
when you fall in love.
with dance, with music, with your partner, with yourself, with LIFE.
So that's why we dance. Dance culture promotes an openness to others and fosters a sense of belonging and community on the floor. Because on the floor when you move, when you let yourself go and surrender to the music, you can feel love flowing outward and expanding in all directions.
And what else are we here for anyway?
Mitali’s Dialogue
Where is the one place you remember feeling completely yourself, in love with your whole being? For me I vividly remember the moment nineteen years ago, as I watched the sunset, and danced my heart out in front of massive speakers at The Deep End, a sound camp at Burning Man. It was 2006 and it was my first time at Burning Man with my husband.
I distinctly remember the drive to the playa - the vast, dry lake bed of Black Rock Desert in Nevada where Burning Man is held. It was two years into our marriage and I was feeling a lot of angst about our relationship. I don't know what we were fighting about but I remember feeling quite irritable with my husband. But that day as I connected with the repetitive rhythms of deep house music, I felt all my emotions, worries, anger, hurt just melt away. Why am I letting someone else's behavior affect my feelings and mood? I am free to let it all go and move on. And as I let everything go on the dance floor, I felt totally liberated.
Over the years I have often wondered if I would feel that free again. Totally comfortable in my skin, carefree and free from any expectations in my head. A lot has happened in my life since that experience at Burning Man. As we grew into a family of four, I took on new worries and stress from my increased responsibilities. Fifteen years ago I had to step into the role of an advocate for my special needs child. I also continued to climb the corporate ladder for over a decade, managing teams spread out across the globe. Five years ago when I walked away from a successful career, I had to come to terms with creating financial uncertainty for our family. Through all of this I also experienced episodes of depression. More recently I have had to grapple with the unpredictability of the path ahead for my high school senior given his learning challenges.
Through it all, that memory has remained. And slowly this year, that feeling of freedom has started to reemerge. It started with me seeking out live events - theater, open mics, and comedy shows. I felt a rush seeing other humans perform - unrestrained in the public expression of their emotions. But it has been at electronic music concerts where I have finally found that feeling again. Dancing to the hypnotic music played by DJs, I feel uninhibited as I tune into my body and get out of my head. And surrounded by crowds moving to the beats, I feel a profound sense of communion as others let loose as well.
Studies suggest that the rhythmic beats of house music can lower cortisol levels, the stress hormone. House music with its 120-130 bpm tempo range can affect the sympathetic nervous system and stimulate the release of dopamine, a hormone associated with pleasure and motivation. Dancing releases endorphins which can produce pleasurable sensations and alleviate pain.
"..Research from the HeartMath Institute has shown that our bodies pick up on the electromagnetic field of information that radiates from another’s heart. If someone in our presence is in a state of care or compassion, our own heart can detect such signals, and this helps our heart rhythms to become more synchronized and coherent.
...polyvagal theory explains that our nervous systems have the capacity to co-regulate with one another, meaning that one person’s nervous system (broadcasting cues of safety) can help to turn down the threat response in another person’s nervous system."
- Beth Kurland, How to Find Support in Difficult Times
In these times when the news seems to always hound us with one tragedy after another, I have found it liberating to leave it all behind for a few hours when I listen to a DJ perform. At these shows I find a community where we can all feel safe and connected to humanity. Despite all the tribulations we face individually, in that moment, we all choose to set our worries aside and just be present to the moment. And maybe during these troubled times coming together to dance can be the salve that we all need.